would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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