My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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