Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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