Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
