ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
