she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
