Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
