I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
