# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
