come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
