woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
