Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
