i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
