I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
