I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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