So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he fucked my hip out of place.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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