so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
