He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
