First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
