One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
