I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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