I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
