Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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