I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You smell like stripper and shame
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
