u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
