Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
