didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
