im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
