yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.