Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
