I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
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I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We have started to decorate penises.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
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I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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