I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It happened again.
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..