ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It's like God shit irony all over that family
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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