office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just gargled with NyQuil
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
