were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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