I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
