Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
