Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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