I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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