Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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