Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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