Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
