i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
