I feel like I'm in dance class right now
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
