dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
