one two three fourrrrnication!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Shame is for Republicans.
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