New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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