i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
