Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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