my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
