I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
