i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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