Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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