I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
