i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My vagina is officially offended.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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