i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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