he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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