If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
