i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
