I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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