Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
