The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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