The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
