I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
