Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize