So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We talked him into tasing himself.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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