Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
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i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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