My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
