i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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