i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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