i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
