Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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