So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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