All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
