is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
