The beer is more important than you right now.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize