i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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