now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
